stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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