you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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