i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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