she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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