I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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