someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want her autograph on my taint
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
