Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
