You made me cry and you don't even care
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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