so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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