Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
