I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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