dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
