Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
