i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
