I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize