why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
