you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
