if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
