...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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