Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
