if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
