Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
