dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
