He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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