the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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