Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
