Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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