Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
