I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
