And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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