this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
