The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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