Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
