Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
