I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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