You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
