He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
