Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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