whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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