"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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