my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
