i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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