$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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