Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
