it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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