when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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