Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
