i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
