i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
