I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
