Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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