why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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