I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
