i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
