She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
