Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
