There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
