Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
