You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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