you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize