a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
