I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
