I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
