I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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