The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
