It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i drank out of a bidet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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