I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
