So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
