The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
