i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
