Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
