wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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